How to handle mom guilt, partner criticism, and the emotional toll of parenting comparisons.
My husband is a wonderful partner and an incredible father. But sometimes… he makes me feel like I’m failing at the one job I’ve devoted everything to: being a mother.
He works full-time to support our family financially, and I stay home full-time to raise our son. On paper, it sounds like we each have our “roles.” But when he comes home and questions how I parent, critiques the bedtime routine, or compares our son to other babies, it cuts deeper than I think he realizes.
“Our friend’s baby sleeps through the night.”
“Why does he still need to be rocked to sleep?”
“They’re already drinking whole milk — why are we still doing breastmilk?”
I hear these things, and even if they’re said casually, they don’t land that way. They sound like: “Why isn’t our son where he should be?” But what I actually hear is: “Why aren’t YOU doing it right?”
And suddenly, I feel small.
There’s this tricky balance between being “the mom” — the default parent, the one who’s here all day, who knows the ins and outs of every nap and meltdown — and recognizing that this is his child too. He gets a say. But how do we navigate those conversations without me feeling like I’m constantly under review?
He doesn’t mean to make me feel this way. I know that. But intention doesn’t always equal impact.
I’m already hard on myself. I already question every choice. The last thing I need is more pressure to be perfect in a role that’s already pushed me to my limit.
So here’s what I’m learning:
- My worth as a mother isn’t measured in milestones or comparisons.
- My child doesn’t need me to be perfect — he needs me to be present.
- And my voice matters, even when I’m unsure.
If you’ve ever felt this too — like you’re being questioned in the middle of doing your very best — I see you. You’re not failing. You’re just being asked to prove yourself in a role that’s already exhausting.
Let’s stop trying to win at parenting and start supporting each other in it — even when it’s messy.